So this is the story of a boy of 5 -1/2 years of age. He is the 1st child in a family of 5. At the age of 2 his mommy and daddy decided to potty train him! He was receptive at first and did pretty well until a few months later. At the time he was being trained he had a 1 month old baby brother. The little boy continued to have at least 1 potty accident each and every day. His parents were told by many that this is normal, he is a boy and they are harder and sometimes take longer to train. "Keep being consistent" they were told. So they pressed forward, changing clothes many times daily and just being positive. During this time his baby sister was born and his little brother was successfully potty trained at about 2-1/2 years old with no consistent accidents to follow. At this point the little boy was 4-1/2, and his mommy and daddy started to wonder if something was medically wrong with their oldest little boy. First they tried discipline, which only seemed to make the accidents more frequent, then they they tried many types of rewards and positive reinforcement (which never seemed to intrigue the little boy, he really didn't care about earning rewards and prizes at all), then came many doctor visits lab work was done to reveal no UTI or other bacteria problems, a ultrasound of the boys bladder was done to reveal a perfectly healthy bladder! It made his parents happy to know nothing major was wrong with their son, but frustrated that there was nothing left to do. They were left feeling that their 5-1/2 year old wold never be potty trained. Currently they try their best to not make a big deal out of the accidents and praise him as much as possible when he uses the potty. Now they just make the boy change his clothes and don't draw any attention to the issue, but so far nothing is working. Just recently the little boy has begun to soil himself with poo as well. For the last 10 days as a matter of fact. His mommy and daddy are frustrated and sad and don't know what to do to help their son. His mommy worries that her little boy will go to school and continue with this problem only to be hurt and made fun of by other children.
OK, in all seriousness we need help, advice or a new direction to go. What would you do or have you experienced this. If you have any ideas of any kind we would love to hear them. At this point we will try anything! This is rather embarrassing, but it is what it is... Thank you for any help you can give.
6 comments:
If it's any comfort at all, he has NEVER had a problem at preschool. He'll use the bathroom here like it isn't even an issue! I'll have to think of some other ideas to help you although it seems like you have tried everything. So sorry! This has got to be so frustrating.
Oh, Brenda, my heart is breaking for you. I can only imagine the frustration and sadness you're feeling. We've experienced sort of the same thing, on a much smaller scale. Payson is 4 1/2 and still goes in spurts with bed wetting at night. Never has accidents during the day, just night. We also tried discipline, bribery, ignoring, everything we could think of. The only thing that worked was waking him up before we went to bed (at like midnight) and making him go. It sort of trained him to do it. But I have no idea how that could help you during the day. If the doctors checked him out and everything looks AOK, my only other thought is possibly psychological? If you need any info or advice in that area, CALL ME!!! I know great people who are awesome with kids.
In one of my child development classes at BYU, one of my teachers {who was also a marriage and family counselor}, had mentioned how bedwetting was something he worked with in some of his patients. Some of these kids were as old as like 10 years old. Clearly, they are older than your son, but for these kids it was psychological. He told them, "Okay, I want you to wet your bed tonight. If you wet your bed, no big deal. Just do it." The kids and parents alike were all wide-eyed and thinking he was crazy. Anyways, basically the theory is giving the control back to the kids because it was a source of anxiety for them. I can't remember how long they did that for. I remember thinking,"I don't know if I could do that." But, according to him it always worked.
Oh, Brenda I could write you a novel on this subject! Maggie had a really hard time too! She wasnt potty trained well until 4. She still had accidents, even at preschool. She actually refused to poop in the toilet and would hold it in for weeks until the docs had to force her to go. She would end up having all kinds of accidents! She still wears a pull-up to bed. When I was going through this the docs had her on all kinds of meds and I think it made the power struggle worse, it was only when I ended them and made her sit on the toilet for a certain amount of time X amount of times each day that it got better. I can remember being so frusturated and leaving the doctors crying because it was taking over our lives and felt that it would never end! She did grow out of it and sometimes still needs reminders. Just know he wont be 20 doing this. More than likely school will make him want to quit, thats what did it for Maggie! Some kids would challenge any set of parents. Try to maintain control of yourself when it happens (I struggled with this) it really does help. Im so sorry. Email me if you ever need to chat about it kurtnanna@hotmail.com!
I have no tips, just sympathy. I am sorry, and I hope that this has a happy ending--soon.
We were having a lot of the same problems with our 4+ year-old. I tried time-outs, lecturing, bribing, nothing worked. I did find one punishment that has totally worked though. It is a cold shower. He hates it. He did test us in every situation (vacation, in-laws, dad home alone, etc.) But once he learned that it would happen EVERY time he had an accident, he stopped having accidents. It can be quite torturous, but I just tell him, he has to be clean one way or another. I feel like the punishment really does fit the crime. And, it has given him incentive to stay dry/clean. I think my son really needed a good reason to not have accidents. I don't know if it will work for your little guy, but I did get the idea from another friend who it worked for.
Good luck. Potty Training is so frustrating!
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